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Short Synopses of Key VNs

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Kanon: Snow sucks and cold sucks and winter sucks and you who have never had to shovel a foot of snow should consider yourselves lucky. Everyone the MC knows has horrible hidden personal problems and most of them are all his fault.
AIR: Summer is better than winter and the sky is pretty. Everyone wants to grow wings because, in the year 993, temples were mostly run by xenophobic self-righteous tools.
CLANNAD: If your family is good, love them. If your family is bad, make a token effort to appreciate them for trying. If your family is dead, spend your life fixing everyone else’s problems, go into an alternate dimension when you die, be reborn as a robot your kid built out of garbage, and work to go back in time and fix the original world to bring them back to life.
planetarian: No choices. One heroine. One route. Final Destination. Oh, and there’s an apocalypse going on.
Little Busters!: A sports game where you can turn off the sports game parts, because you know you’re just here to cry over the story anyway. Everyone is bi, except Masato, I guess, because he’s only attracted to weight equipment.
Rewrite: Madcap fun! Perverted MC taken from the company’s many imitators! Sweet potato! Oh, and there’s an apocalypse going on. Possibly two. Shh, don’t tell anyone.
Rewrite Harvest festa!: Somehow we evaded the apocalypse with well-placed Everyone Is Alive AUs. But if you think it’s going to stay that way just because all the CGs you saw were happy, you have another thing coming.
Angel Beats!: Hey, guys, we made an anime without making a VN and then a bunch of episodes were cut so we made this huge expanded universe with manga and books. Did you really think we weren’t going to make a series of VNs eventually? Bring on the dead kids!
ONE ~kagayaku kisetsu e~: The pre-Kanon. Don’t take girls on romantic Christmas dates to the cheap ramen shop. The mysterious girl in your memories/dreams/whatever is — gasp! The main heroine! What a shock.
MOON.: The pre-pre-Kanon — actually no the team hadn’t found their niche for magic-realism sob-fests and wrote a story about an evil psychic sex cult that will disturb you for life.
Dousei: what

Which Founding Father Is Most Likely to Show You Their Dick?

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George Washington: George is simply Too Busy to show you his dick, but if you catch him in a good mood he might draw a dick on a scrap piece of paper for you.
Alexander Hamilton: If you say his political rivals are claiming he doesn’t have a dick, the entire nation will see it.
John Adams: No one has ever seen John Adams’ dick. Abigail Adams has not seen John Adams’ dick. John Adams has not seen John Adams’ dick.
James Madison: If you ask Madison if you can see his dick, you will be the first person in his life, so he might show you out of gratitude.
Thomas Jefferson: Jefferson would act shocked if you asked him in public, but ask him in private and he’ll whip it out for a nickel.
John Jay: look I don’t know much about John jay but I do know people hated him and he was hung in effigy, so he might not be in the mood.
Ben Franklin: He’s already naked. Just look down, it’s right there.

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Ron: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.
Harry: Uh huh.
Ron: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Harry: Do you have a point?
Ron: You know, you’d think I would.

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