標籤: chuck lorre

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #528

ltsc1980發表留言

My World of Wonder
Part one

Sometimes I wonder why the editorial staff at Vanity Fair thinks I care about the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Sometimes I wonder why scissors only work in my right hand.

Sometimes I wonder why Elton John thought “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” when he probably was gonna get his ass kicked.

Sometimes I wonder why I’m always putting my t-shirt on backwards when there’s a fifty-fifty chance I’ll get it right.

Sometimes I wonder why people vote against their self-interest.

Sometimes I wonder why I vote against my self-interest.

Sometimes I wonder why people who believe in an omnipotent, allknowing, eternal and infinite God of love can be angry.

Sometimes I wonder if my dog is purposely messing with me.

Sometimes I wonder if my mind hates me.

Sometimes I wonder if fast-forwarding through commercials makes me a traitor to my cause.

Sometimes I wonder who – who wrote the book of love.

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #100

ltsc1980發表留言

A hundred vanity cards on the Web, a hundred vanity cards, download one, then son-of-a-gun, ninety-nine vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-nine vanity cards on the Web, ninety-nine vanity cards, write one at a time, and one day you’ll find, ninety-eight vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-eight vanity cards on the Web, ninety-eight vanity cards, witty or not, it’s all that I’ve got, ninety-seven vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-seven vanity cards on the Web, ninety-seven vanity cards, did ‘em for free, oh, woe is me, ninety-six vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-six vanity cards on the Web, ninety-six vanity cards, a few about bliss, but more were like this, ninety-five vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-five vanity cards on the Web, ninety-five vanity cards, how often I’d stall, with no beers on the wall, ninety-four vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-four vanity cards on the Web, ninety-four vanity cards, insightful or grave, and one about Dave, ninety-three vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-three vanity cards on the Web, ninety-three vanity cards, there’s not much more room, so this’ll end soon, ninety-two vanity cards on the Web. Ninety-two vani

 

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #524

ltsc1980發表留言

I don’t mean to offend anyone, but God told me to write this vanity card. The following are His words. I just took dictation.

Dear Humanity,
You are all animated by me. Like electricity lights a bulb, I light you. What you call awareness is, in fact, me. Some awareness plays soaring piano concertos, some shoots three from the perimeter, some drive around in little cars looking for parking violations. It’s still me. Just in a different guise. God in drag, if you will. Simply put, each and every one of you is a perfect expression of my timeless, universe-straddling ineffability. You are also meaningless and inconsequential. It’s a paradox, I know. But only to you. Which brings me to the purpose of this vanity card. In your endless quest to forge an identity, you have lost sight of what you are. So I will say it again. When you strip away all the temporary labels- American, Iranian, Israeli, Russian, Chinese, young man, old woman, soldier, florist, gay, straight, rich, poor, liberal, conservative, Muslim, Christian, Hindu or Jew- when those identities are taken away, and believe me, they eventually will be, then all that is left of you… is me. Consider this the next time you feel compelled to hurt or kill someone. Look at them. See me. Then act. On a lighter note, that was a really funny episode of Big Bang tonight! That Sheldon is a hoot!